I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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