Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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