I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
