Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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