4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am one with the molecules
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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