It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The power of my boobs compel you
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
