After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
