yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
