Can Purell be used as lube?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
