Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
