I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
