Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
