oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we're making bets on your personal life
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize