I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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