After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
