Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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