I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize