he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
