So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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