Swine flu. Run for my life!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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