I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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