My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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