hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
