I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
