So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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