I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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