I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize