I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
