remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
