Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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