My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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