So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
