My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
