I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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