What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
