Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
