R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
