I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
