at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I want to fling myself into the sun
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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