Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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