good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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