dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
