I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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