cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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