tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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