this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
