Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
