my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
