someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
