no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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