Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
