I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
