How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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