I molested 6 butterflies tonight
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
