i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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