The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
