its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
