At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So here I am, sexting at work.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
