I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
