The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
