i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
