Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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