i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
