She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I believe in your delicious
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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