Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
