I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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