I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
