hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
