I don't think brook has ever known best
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
